the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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