It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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