i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
