why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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