This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
BRING THE BAGELS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
