NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
