I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
