If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
