There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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