Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
