dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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