guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
