This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
