I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
