I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
