Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
