I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just had sex on a roof
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
