So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
