so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
