I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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