Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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