Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize