i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
