Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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