im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
