During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
