my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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