Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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