Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
