Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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