Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
