Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
