I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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