If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
