I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
