were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
