wat bout pragnant strippers??
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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