We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
