I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
