i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize