I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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