You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize