His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
