I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
