so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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