just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
