too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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