I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
