I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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