OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
