Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
