You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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