he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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