Moan for me like Helen Keller
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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