stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
