If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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