I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize