I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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