we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
