he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
