Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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