I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
