Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
