Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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