Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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