Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
