do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
