now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize