It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
