You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize