My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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