so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
