this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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