Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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