I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize