we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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